Hi My Name Is ASSBERT!!!

  FA was out on the town last weekend in their Alma Mater Venice Beach, California.

They were visiting with very wonderful happy great, sweet people DJ Bu$rider and T-Money.

FA decided to take a walk down Abbot Kinney, detouring from CAVE Gallery...

When they passed by a shop filled with shoes. (YELP)

The shop was rather bland, in fact there are shops in the Garment District off Maple that look fancier

than this place. Yo'.

Either way, we saw shoes, even though the shop didn't invest in any wall fixtures, nor did they invest in proper seating...Every pair of shoes was lined up against the walls on the FLOOR. The back stock-storage was visible from the window but hey we saw shoes.

FA, us, we, walked into the shop and said hello!

We were greeted nicely by a CLIENT waiting on the shop keeper to bring her a pair of shoes.

We took a 6 second walk around the 200 sq. foot store and halfway around the SHOE boy walks out and

proceeds to show the client her shoe request.

Completely ignoring FA.

To that Mother Goose surmised a statement, "Oh, okay, I see. So you only greet people who ask to try something on." FA walked out strong. FOK dat!

So to him we drafted this priceless composition: "Hi My Name Is ASSBERT!" 

inbox us for original print quotes.

We also like to give a lot of love to the crew at Alex Bittar for welcoming us in like true rock stars we salute you!(YELPing)

it's been a long time

we shouldn't have left you

without a dope article to read...to

-thank you timbaland

a delicate herbal sausage, in a crisp sandy summer broth, in a sunny place

B A G G I N: The Legend, The Mystery, The Manifesto

B A G G I N: The Manifesto

Representative of our experience at Fresh and Easy, about a feelin we never felt before...

C'mon

just anotha day in the lbc

beatin the holiday craze

with a friend in need of lunch

show up, joking, stylin wildin laughin

out-of-control

quality figures food shouldn't be an issue

Fresh n Easy oh so easy

Aisle one so damn cheesy

He says mushrooms are okay

Get what you like, shit we bout ta play

Where's my cart?, twist it, turn it toward

The wreckage shiiit discounted refridgerated booty

We aint no f'n pirates but we bout to cherish this

Treasure, justly so

It's all good now headed for the door

Self Scan

one-item-at-a-time

this food/lunch/dinner/breakfast

stunnin my stomach

bout to be wreckage

check check check checkin

Start

Stop

shit aint scannin

Homeboy wearing Green

Hired-Meant-To Oversee this muthafuckin scene

Rockin a Fresh N Easy Tee, walkin lightly

One accessory: Walkie Talkie

Askin what's the matter? Lookin at errythang

Like he can understand

Ain Soph Aur draggin carrots across the glass

Useless Cutie creating traffic

Just cause he wearing that green dont mean

That he knows a mutha fuckin thing

Fresh N Easy yes yes oh so breezy

Food

Scanned

Useless Cutie

Off the scene

Baggin time

Checked

Out

All is oh so good

On the way out out

Playing Tetris with these goods

And their deliciousness

Shit KTG and Ain Soph Aur

Smilin Baggin

Checkin, takin the appropriate time

When some mutha fuckin shrimp

Cocktail is straight streaming down the line

Little girl rushing us like we gone take

Girl?! We just Baggin

Momma steady scannin

Ain Soph Aur and KTG still

Playin Tetris, packin snacks

Useless cutie flying around many

Check out lines, homie aint doin nuthin

Rockin all uh dat GReen, lookin so cute

Uselessy.

Tetris highest score achieved, groceries stacked

Highest points toward leaving

We OH SO LEGIT

Packed, stacked, wreckage bout to be lunch

I see you, you see this

Thoughts and actions manage to make all of this

Happen

Dont mind us

We just BAGGIN MAN!!!

JO

HI

OH!!! and excuse me for DISAGREEING with the way you run YOUR system

My mind is watering

theres a dreaDful draft in here

and

if I heAR one more comment about how this person is just like YOU

If I hear another utter of judgement because I believe that life should be

LIVED AND ENJOYED

and EXCUSE ME FOR HAVING A MUTH FUCKIN O-PINION

I DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE WICHO A S S.

OH!!! and excuse me for DISAGREEING with the way you run YOUR system

well then you know what I AM GOING TO HAVE TO DO?!

THROW SOME MUTHA FUCKIN EGGS ACHA!

(clears proverbial throat)

List Please!!!:

12 Dozen eggs to be thrown at: The Momma's Man Child Whisperer

24 Dozen eggs to be launched at: The Double Sided Donkey Boy Wax Museum KeyHolder

65 Dozen eggs to be thrown at: The Shifty Eyed Back Biting Biatch with an ego trip because SHE sucks!

All the eggs from all the mutha fuckin egg laying beings to be OCCUPIED at: THOSE stiff collared CLOWNS who claim to know what's best for THE PEOPLE!!! how you like them EGGS SON!!!

I AM FLUUNNNKER NUGGET DOOODLE D O N E.

lightning bear

hey diddle diddle
the cat and thee feedle
the cow jumped over the moon
the little doggie barked
and that bitch ran away with my spoon
cha cha cha

1 2 3

eat an old boot

Bean bag water babies cry from onions slicing

Bean bag water babies cry from onions slicing:

Bean bag water babies cry from onions slicing

Flower petals fall, wither and wilt from decay

Post Blossom.

If a cup of water is tipped over, it will fall out

Lemonade is made from lemons

Just the same appearance is not definitive of what it appears to be...

Take a rake

Toward dead leaves

Use a spoon

For

Ice cream

Melting

Chilling

Melting again

Letting

Go

INTRODUCING...TICHERINA TURNER CHER!

INTRODUCING...TICHERINA TURNER CHER!

In a laboratory, far far away a child was created using the genes of Tina Turner

and Cher. She has a voice that can frighten thunder...

YEAHHH, OOOOOH YEAHHH HAAAAAHHH!!!!

get out of my body, you bald headed cement face doggie

get out of my body, you bald headed cement face:

simmy sammz has been mentally attacked!

a crazy goon by the name of gorgonzola no-it-all no-brain...

have you ever had the feeling that the person you were talking to was just flapping their lips non-stop, with only vomit flaxseed oil bullshit spewing out instead of words? that they were merely passing air and dominating conversations, bodies, and psychic thought-spaces?

KAWW KAWW!!! NO! Exclaimed Simmy! As imaginary birds surrounded him!

WOOF WOOF! IMA GORGONZOLA NO-IT-ALL NO-BRAIN-ZOLOFT DOGGIE AND IM GONNA EAT YOUR BRAIN, YOU LITTLE PINEAPPLE PIGGIE!!!

so-that-i-can-have-a-brain-since-i-dont-have-one RAWWWWRRRRR!!!! WOOF! PANCAKES!

just then the sunshine came in and punched GORG NO-IT-ALL NO-BRAIN-ZOLOFT DOGGIE in his little wha wha woofer with a BAG O' cement!!!

HAHAHA! take that, you sad, sad, sack of lima beans!

that garbanzo son of a fat wedge of donkey cheddar was knocked to da flo! he was stunned that anyone would oppose him, let alone knock the stale, dry, air out of his anal cave. he was so shocked that he ran into marmaduke forest and was never seen again.

HEY FOLKZ, THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS... DON'T TRY TO GET INTO SOMEONE'S BODY

OR YOU WILL BE HIT IN THE FACE WITH CEMENT.

-FA

FASHION ASSHOLES ANTHEM

FASHION ASSHOLES ANTHEM

SIMMY UP
SIMMY DOWN
PASS THE TABLET
AROUND

MAKE SOME NOISE
FOR YOUR TOYS
THEY HELPED YOU MOLD
YOU
ASSISTING YOUR
IMAGINATION
STRIVING TO DREAM
DREAMS
TO CARRY YOU THROUGH
AND IF YOU CLIMB
AN ELEVATOR
PUSH THE BUTTON
FOR
THE LEVER
LATER

(this is us when we use to be a coupla blockhead gummie faces living in the bronx)

FASHION ASSHOLES ANTHEM