INTRODUCING...TICHERINA TURNER CHER!

INTRODUCING...TICHERINA TURNER CHER!

In a laboratory, far far away a child was created using the genes of Tina Turner

and Cher. She has a voice that can frighten thunder...

YEAHHH, OOOOOH YEAHHH HAAAAAHHH!!!!

get out of my body, you bald headed cement face doggie

get out of my body, you bald headed cement face:

simmy sammz has been mentally attacked!

a crazy goon by the name of gorgonzola no-it-all no-brain...

have you ever had the feeling that the person you were talking to was just flapping their lips non-stop, with only vomit flaxseed oil bullshit spewing out instead of words? that they were merely passing air and dominating conversations, bodies, and psychic thought-spaces?

KAWW KAWW!!! NO! Exclaimed Simmy! As imaginary birds surrounded him!

WOOF WOOF! IMA GORGONZOLA NO-IT-ALL NO-BRAIN-ZOLOFT DOGGIE AND IM GONNA EAT YOUR BRAIN, YOU LITTLE PINEAPPLE PIGGIE!!!

so-that-i-can-have-a-brain-since-i-dont-have-one RAWWWWRRRRR!!!! WOOF! PANCAKES!

just then the sunshine came in and punched GORG NO-IT-ALL NO-BRAIN-ZOLOFT DOGGIE in his little wha wha woofer with a BAG O' cement!!!

HAHAHA! take that, you sad, sad, sack of lima beans!

that garbanzo son of a fat wedge of donkey cheddar was knocked to da flo! he was stunned that anyone would oppose him, let alone knock the stale, dry, air out of his anal cave. he was so shocked that he ran into marmaduke forest and was never seen again.

HEY FOLKZ, THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS... DON'T TRY TO GET INTO SOMEONE'S BODY

OR YOU WILL BE HIT IN THE FACE WITH CEMENT.

-FA

FASHION ASSHOLES ANTHEM

FASHION ASSHOLES ANTHEM

SIMMY UP
SIMMY DOWN
PASS THE TABLET
AROUND

MAKE SOME NOISE
FOR YOUR TOYS
THEY HELPED YOU MOLD
YOU
ASSISTING YOUR
IMAGINATION
STRIVING TO DREAM
DREAMS
TO CARRY YOU THROUGH
AND IF YOU CLIMB
AN ELEVATOR
PUSH THE BUTTON
FOR
THE LEVER
LATER

(this is us when we use to be a coupla blockhead gummie faces living in the bronx)

FASHION ASSHOLES ANTHEM

Gwaka Gwaka Dondle Doo Little

Gwaka Gwaka Dondle Doo Little:
The Tale of the Ring Less Popper Gone Abso-Freekin-Lutely MADDD!

Simmy Sammz was clicking fleas into pixie dust one fine evening when The Ring Less Popper decided to make a tomato sauce mockery madness all over Simmy's new lamp shade wristwatch!

Simmy was in state of shock. All at once Simmy shivered, and saw a ransom note with a Ring Pop attached to it; The Ring Less Popper demanded an emotional attachment from the Lord of Ring Pop Rings!

Simmy was not having any of that! "Muther efff your wanker sauce. i never wanted your flunckin ring pop around my finger anyway so take that grimy sewer soup, plaster of parasite and put it in your mouth receptacle."

...erase - eradicate

shoo fly - don't bongle me...

Simmy waved his finger in the face of The Ring Less Popper and cast a dirty-waste-water-spell! He was then sent into exile followed by being buried alive in ring pops and the only way he's allowed to unearth, is if he SUCKS his way out!

(just then Mother Goose got word of Simmy Sammz disturbance, she then decided to get the Ring-Less Popper on the dial...)
Mother Goose stood at the top of Mount Seahorse and exclaimed:

...buzzzzzzzzzz squack tremble flip flap flying saucer bingo water. WHO ARE YOU TO SAY WHAT I AM WHAT I WANT AND WHAT IM GONNA DO! Listen ringless-popper; Simmy Sammz wasn't eeeeven trying to go there!

Be at peace-Mother Goose

FASHION ASSHOLES

FASHION ASSHOLES R US

We are Simmy Sammz and Mother Goose...

IF YOU ARE INTERESTING, ARE WORTH WORDS OR YOU PISS US OFF, REST ASSURED YOU WILL BECOME APART OF OUR BLOG-FA

Thaz right - don't flump with us. We got turbine enginez and enough saurkraut cloud mixie in our cotton candy machines to turbo charge mother mary's institute of divine herbal entertain(t)ment all the way to the moon and back in a flippy-flap-dash!

wazooozle! we got it on lickey-lockerstein.

Falling Out of Love's Window

Falling Out of Love's Window

Mother Goose was just pushed out of Jakerwalsh's window!

Jakerwalsh Slum Lord Hermit

Mother Goose

Jakerwalsh a local Video Rental

Slumm Lord Hermit has been crazy and in denial about most things in his life including his affections for Mother Goose. Last night he decreased MG to the likes of a windshield wiper of chaos, knowing that she has been nothing but an angel to him. Reading him the classics, sharing butter crumpets and giving him hand knitted bonnets of flaxseed water vomit.

MG told Jakerwalsh that he in fact, needs to open up, and read a rhyme or two. That he needs to let go and be comfortable with life.

Jakerwalsh, however did not appreciate this advice, he saw it as filth and slime. So he took MG's advice and said to her "Listen you immature weasle womper nugget, we cant butter each others crumpets anymore, theres not enough butter for the both of us. Besides that, I refuse to let go of the dirty rotten dish cloths I've been holding onto 4 too many simmy years." "So, grow up and get out!!!" Just then Jakerwalsh opened the window and threw MG out!

Poor Mother Goose, all she ever did was read stories to lonely children and didnt ask for much, just a little butter for her crumpets. Jakerwalsh was not amused, in fact he had never uttered one rough word to Mother Goose but last night he was actually mean to her!

Mother Goose, we can happily report survived the window toss. She is in the care of Humpty Dumpty, Little Miss Muffet, and Imogen Heap.

When asked why he did it, all Jakerwalsh replied was, "Im afraid of her, she brought me dairy, which I am trying to stay away from, Im old and I dont want to grow! So I threw her away."

-The Simmy Sam post

THIS JUST IN:

AN UPDATE ON JAKERWALSH'S WHEREABOUTS

Jakerwalsh Slum Lord Hermit was last seen outside of the local Rite Aid

It seems he'd passed out or was left there after the Long Beach Pride

weekend. Sources say that his high heel broke causing him distress which

ultimately resulted in him being cast off, and left aside. That is all for now~

-The Simmy Sam post

FASHION STRONG

FASHION IS STRONG. SO STOP CALLING FASHION WEAK... -FA

Fashion Stalker

Top News @123 O'clock:

Broke Ass Wanna Be Model is a Fashion Stalker

Recent developments of a disgruntal model now prove to be alarming...

An instance has occurred, one where a fake wanna be model had been relieved of her duties as a representative of world reknown Fashion Label and therefore could not take a hint, clue, message, shower, toothbursh, toilet paper, fork, dinner plate, whatever the flunkers and began harassing the designer.

So far no other developments have come to light, Fashion Assholes will keep you posted on the lastest findings.

As of now we can tell you that the model is said to have lied about her hair colour, weight, name, sex and apparently her IQ or lack there of...

The suspect was last seen selling vagina water samples to dirty old men in pee stained pajamas.

Meanwhile the victim/Fashion Designer has gone into hiding; there is no information on or hints of her whereabouts.

The powers that be sent out an all points bulletin this evening warning the special education model that he/she had better keep his/her distance or his/her head will be shaved and he/she will be forced to walk backwards for 25 days...

bitches better watch out!

Bitches like to just flap them jaws. well, you know what we are sick of that shit and we aint't gonna take it. if they don't zip their lip, SPLAT, a pile 'a' eggs to the face!

Throwin eggs at them bitches like all damn day! We're so tired of bitches droppin lines like

they're so REAL mutha cluckin cluckers need to take a break on that nonsense!

What do we do when them jaws dont stop flappin?!

We delete them, they're dead to us and we drop flucker cluckin eggs on em'!-FA

What To Do After Valentine's Day Is Over

What To Do After Valentine's Day Is Over:

Throw all that shit away!

Fashion Assholes can only handle so much sap, wine, and flunkerdoodle chees

e!!!

They say, it aint over till The Fat Lady sings well damnit I'm done!

Shit, i ain't even thrown out the Christmas tree yet and already I gotta deal with all these chocolate donkies, heart shaped paddle locks, and cupid tarps!

Well, enough is enough!

That's why we use our handy-dandy-sucker-noodle-52936-ELITE!

Just flip that muthrfucken shit and WHOOOOSH! Everything's gone and you can get back to your fuckin Champagne bubble bath party.